Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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