drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
