I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
