i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
