i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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