now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
