just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
