I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
These tits shall not be calmed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize