So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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