kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
