Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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