and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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