Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.

Fav 57 2667 4835
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(314): View more from Missouri

You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.

Fav 13 1414 7047
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia

Fav 9 4961 1214
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?

Fav 4 3231 1314
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(210): View more from Texas

I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.

Fav 16 3395 1272
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(970): View more from Colorado

I feel like my teeth are sweating.

Fav 9 1421 2430
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(541): View more from Oregon

Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?

Fav 5 2219 1142
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(336): View more from North Carolina

" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."

Fav 2 913 484
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(303): View more from Colorado

He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.

Fav 0 15 76
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