If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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