I'm jealous of your bromance
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
