I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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