he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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