Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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