i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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