Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
