dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize