oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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