So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
