My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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