i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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