Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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