if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
and she was petting her beer can
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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