I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
