Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize