If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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