life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
