4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
