I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
