He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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