I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
