Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
