I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
