OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
