My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
