This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
