yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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