i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
