Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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