i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
