Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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