He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
