I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I need a burrito and a hug.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
