Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Drake has all the answers
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
