They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
After tacos, we're chasing women.
COCAINE IS GR8
as a side note pls kill me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
