This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
