This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
