i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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