Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
