Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
