i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
