You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
