just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
