You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
