omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
