Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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