Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
