I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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