I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
