if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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