He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
