If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
