Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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