she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
