I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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