Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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